AZORTURIA
(Monday Morning Disease)
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A condition brought on by showing horses all weekend.
Symptoms include the feeling of dread at having to
get out of bed on Mondays and go to work
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COLIC
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The gastrointestinal result of eating at the food stands
at horse shows
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COLT
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What your mare always gives you when you want a filly
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CONTRACTED FOOT
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The involuntary/instant reflex of curling one's toes up
right before a horse steps on your foot
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CORN
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Small callus growths formed from the continual wearing
of riding boots.
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ENDURANCE RIDE
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The end result when your horse spooks and runs away with
you in the woods
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FENCES
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Decorative perimeter structures built to give a horse
something to chew on, scratch against and jump over
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FOUNDER
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The discovery of your loose mare some miles from your
yard - usually in a flower bed or cornfield. Used
like: "I found'er!"
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GALLOP
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The customary gait a horse chooses when returning to the
yard
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GATES
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Wooded or metal structures built to amuse horses
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GROOMING
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The fine art of brushing the dirt from one's horse and
applying it to your own body
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HOBBLES
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Describes the walking gait of a horse owner after their
foot has been stepped on by their horse.
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HOCK
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The financial condition that a horse owner goes into
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HORSE SHOES
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Expensive semi-circular projectiles that horses like to
throw
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LAMENESS
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The condition of most riders after the first few rides
each year: can be a chronic condition in weekend
riders
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LEAD ROPE
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A long apparatus instrumental in the administration of
rope burns. Also used by excited horses to take a
handler for a drag
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| LUNGING
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A training method a horse uses on its owner with the
purpose of making the owner spin in circles - rendering
the owner dizzy and light-headed so that they get sick
and pass out, so the horse can go back to grazing.
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OVER REACHING
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A descriptive term used to explain the condition of most
horse owners' credit cards
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RACE
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What your heart does when you see your vet bill
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RASP
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An abrasive, long, flat metal tool used to remove excess
skin from the knuckles
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RINGWORMS
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Spectators who block your view and gather around the
rail sides at horse shows
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SACKING OUT
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A condition caused by Sleeping Sickness (see below).
The state of deep sleep a mare owner will be in at
the time a mare actually goes into labour and foals
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SADDLE
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An expensive leather contraption manufactured to give
the ride a false sense of security. Comes in many
styles, all feature built-in ejector seats.
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SADDLE SORE
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The way the rider's bottom feels the morning after the
weekend at a horse show
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SLEEPING SICKNESS
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A disease peculiar to mare owners while waiting for
their mares to foal. Caused by nights of lost sleep,
symptoms include irritability, red baggy eyes and a
zombie-like waking state. Can last for several
weeks
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SPLINT
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An apparatus that can be applied to various body parts
of a rider due to the parting of ways of a horse and his
passenger
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TWISTED GUT
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The feeling deep inside that most riders get before
their classes at a show
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VERSATILITY
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An owner's ability to shovel manure, fix fences and
chase down a loose horse all in one afternoon
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WHIP MARKS
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The tell-tale raised welts on the face of a rider -
caused when out hacking by the rider directly in front
of you letting go of a low hanging branch
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YEARLING
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The age at which all horses completely forget the things
you taught them previously
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ZOO
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The typical atmosphere around most yards
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