Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The
spray blocks the
mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at
least 6 feet away
from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from
the flush.
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as
substitute for blood
plasma.
No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching
television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty
years of age or
older.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
The king of hearts is the only king without a moustache.
A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright
brother's first flight.
American Airlines saved ¤40,000 in 1987 by eliminating
1 olive from each
salad served in first-class.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you
up in the
morning.
The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called
aglets.
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead
skin.
The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung
cancer.
Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than
all of the Nike
factory workers in Malaysia combined.
Adolf Hitler's mother seriously considered having an
abortion but was
talked out of it by her doctor.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't
like being seen
wearing them in public.
Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing
her hands in
jelly.
Debra Winger was the voice of E.T.
Pearls melt in vinegar.
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads
for dating are
already married.
The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro,
Coca Cola, and
Budweiser, in that order.
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not
downstairs.
A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why.
The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from
the days when the
engines were pulled by horses.
The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured
out how to walk
up
straight staircases.
Richard Milhouse Nixon was the first US president whose
name contains
all
the letters from the word "criminal." The
second? William Jefferson
Clinton.
And...........................................
turtles can breathe through their arses.
Thanks to
babyblueeyes for these gems.
It's the
Navy.
This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation
recorded between a US Navy Vessel and the Canadian
authorities off Newfoundland in October 1995. The radio
conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations
10/10/95.
Americans: Please Divert your course 15 degrees to the
north to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees
to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the captain of a US navy ship. I say
again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No, I say again, divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE
SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC
FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE CRUISERS. I DEMAND
THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE
UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS VESSEL.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your Call.
Nice
one Roo
Some more... (with added
commentary from babyblue eyes)
If you yelled for 8 years,7 months and 6 days you would
have
produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months,
enough gas
is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps
out to the
body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(Oh my God...!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life I want to be a pig)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before
it
starves to death.
(Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an
hour.
(Do not try this at home .. maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head
is
attached to its body. The female initiates sex by
ripping the
male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the...."
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a
human
jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes...can you imagine??)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life ... quality
over
quantity.)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm........)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer
than
left-handed people do.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing....)
A cat's urine glows under a blacklight.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out.)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(Who knew...? Who cares! )
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex
for
pleasure.
(What about the pig?)
One day,
three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large
raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other
side, but had no idea of how to do so.
The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God,
give me the strength to cross this river." Poof!
God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able
to swim across the river in about two hours, after
almost drowning a couple of times.
Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying,
"Please God, give me the strength and the tools to
cross this river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat and
he was able to row across the river in about an hour,
after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.
The third man had seen how this worked out for the other
two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God,
give me the strength and the tools...and the
intelligence... to cross this river." And poof!
.
.
.
God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map,
hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked
across the bridge.
